I Googled myself to see whether I exist. Typing "Scott Sullivan" I drew close to 3 million hits. What an affirmation.

"Lies, Damned Lies and Scott Sullivan," a story about the ex-WorldCom CFO convicted of fraud, had the most hits. Then came links to Scott Sullivan, major league pitcher, Brooklyn lawyer, Pennsylvania magician, author of "The Amazing 50 States Maze Book," navy cryptologist and more.

How can I do all those things? Especially since my most-famous alter ego is in the slammer? Because as Scott Sullivan, I know how to live in style!

Take the link "Scott Sullivan: Win a Dream Date with One of People Magazine's Hottest Bachelors!" Datelined Las Vegas, it read: "For a $30 tax-deductible purchase of a raffle ticket, women become eligible to win a date which includes an appearance on Fox 5 Live in Las Vegas, a spa package at Green Valley Ranch including the Green Valley Classic Facial, a 50-minute traditional Swedish massage, and their signature manicure.

"The winner will be pampered in the 30,000-square-foot spa which features 28 treatment rooms, VIP suites and outdoor treatment cabanas on the 7-acre backyard pool area.

"The 'Dream Date' includes a limousine to Green Valley Ranch, dinner with Sullivan at Hank's Fine Steaks & Martinis, recently awarded AAA's four-diamond status, in a romantic setting featuring crystal chandeliers, onyx bars and much more, and then dancing at The Whiskey, a spectacular nightclub with state-of-the-art sound and lighting."

Proceeds go to Corps of Compas-sion, a charity Sullivan founded. Imagine that.

The last thing Scott Sullivan is is skeptical of Scott Sullivan. The idea of raising money, writing off a night on the town and checking out chicks who want me - all for Hurricane Katrina victims - is as altruistic as I can get.

I've worn out all the phone booths in the state stepping in as a mild- mannered MR editor and stepping out as the Hottest Bachelor. How much more can I take? Which Scott do I want to be?

Readers will be, um, thrilled(?) to learn I am staying. No more onyx bars, Brooklyn courtrooms, codes and mazes, magic tricks, spitballs and federal prisons - I'm resolved and resigned to inhabit the life I'm in.

So long, Scott Sullivans who rank higher than me on the hit parade. Shalom, my illustrious alter egos. I am at peace with who I am, especially since I changed my name to Bill Gates.

You should see the Google results on that. MR