Thank God that May, Mental Health Month, is over, because it gives me 11 months to get back to normal.

So I thought. Then I learned June is National Safety Month.

I'm in danger of going nuts keeping up with all of these observations. Heat Awareness Week was a grueling seven days, not one of which passed when I wasn't grateful the fed was paying flacks, with my tax dollars, to remind me that it gets hot out. I stayed up nights heeding Sleep Awareness Week proclamations.

But a full month being conscious of mental health, then another vigilant about safety, is so much awareness it wears me out.

Ah, for the old days of blissful ignorance, like before I knew Giant African Land Snails (GALS) lurked around each corner, along with mad cows and emerald ash borers, drawing lots to see which will hop on the next poor doofus who blunders by.

I am not concerned GALS might be infected with a parasite that can cause human meningitis - even the Michigan Departments of Agriculture and Community Health concede that they have no evidence of the very thing they warn about. I'm concerned that these snails will beat me in a road race.

The last thing I need, after Mental Health Month, is for some snail in a Kenyan singlet to slither by me. Reason enough to carry a cell phone with speed dial programmed to the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Giant African Land Snail toll-free hotline (really) at 1-888-703-4457.

A ton of prevention these days is the only cure you will get. So the sky didn't fall; the point is, it could have and Chicken Little was wise to alarm us; otherwise he might be held liable. Same for doctors and running injuries. Don't run for six months if your legs ache, or, better, never. Then you're sure not to have running injuries and s/he's sure not to face malpractice.

You can't be too safe; the danger is being too sane.

Once June and jejune things like Safety Month have passed, we will still have reason to live in terror. Raspberry-red, lemon-yellow and orange-orange alerts will be issued by Homeland Security, whose jobs are secure as long as we're scared as possible.

We will have all July to beware of refractive disorders, August to be wary of psoriasis, and September to be aware that, even curled in a fetal position, life is fatal.

The great risk is missing it, due to fear. MR